I had an argument with Jo which ended with her blacklisting me on wechat.

I feel very sorry about that though at the moment of arguing I was a bit angry and can not control my temper so well while at that time I was having a zoom surgical ethics discussion with Dr.Angelos and other colleagues.

I really did not know what my problem is at first and after she blacklisted me I did some reflection on bed. It occurred to me that it is my mistake to not having enough communication with her during my stay here. I always assume she is fine in Shanghai but I forget the pressure she is having taking care of two kids. And being a man, it should be me who is proactively ask about her well-being. Without any solid concern expressed to her, she felt I don’t care about her though that is an absolutely misunderstanding. In fact, I think of her so often and sometimes imagine we take Tom and Louis to ski in US, tour in Japan and climb mountains all together. My lack of reaching out to her made our conversation via wechat plain and boring that make me think she did not care about me. After the feeling mutually reinforced with each other, our misunderstanding deepened and today is the breakout from her and I just realized that after the cutting of communication. How foolish I am. And I figured out for the first time that this is the main reason we had several big arguments. Such a dumb I am. I should have been proactively reaching out to her more frequently since I am not faking. I always think of her yet that missing only stayed in my own mind without letting her know. She can not feel that from air but only through mouth, eyes and ears.

Can I make changes? For years I did not. Hope this is only because I did not figure out the story behind until today.

I love you.